i'm sitting here, in my bedroom, on my bed, watching a movie.. it seems so calming. it's december now..
i feel like these past three and a half years have gone by so fast.. ever since he died. things were never the same. so much has changed. i just try to convince myself it's for the best. i'm okay with where i'm at, but i miss him. i miss things.
i couldn't cry at first.. and then i couldn't stop. now i can't without forcing it anymore.. maybe i'm losing feeling. it feels like things don't bother me as much as they used to.
all i can say is i don't know what to think anymore.
right now, i just want to get out. slip away from reality for a while.. i want to have fun.. i miss that feeling. i miss having friends. i miss having someone there.. and i'm trying to find that again.. it's just hard
maybe things will work out.. maybe things can find their way back to okay..
and i've realized, maybe because of the holidays, that i have so much to be thankful for.. maybe i should write a list.. something to occupy my time.. that would be nice
i'll go for now.. update later..

i can be okay when i choose to be...